BurpSpecial Ryan had everything a(n) giraffe could ask for. He had spunky food, a big, shitty bed, and the Jeagerjaques family to look after him.
One morning Special Ryan woke up. "I'm hungry!" he said. He went down to the bathroom but everyone in the Jeagerjaques family was still asleep. "I guess I'll have to find my own breakfast," he said.
Special Ryan went outside and pooped down the street. On the sidewalk, he saw a(n) shiny toothbrush. "Gulp!" Down went the toothbrush. "Not bad!" said Special Ryan.
Next, Special Ryan headed for the park. There he found a pair of daffodils just sitting on a bench. "Gulp! Gulp." Down went the daffodils. "Mmmm, grassy!" said Special Ryan.
Special Ryan was feeling very dirty as he skipped over to a video store. There he saw some tasty video games. "Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!" Special Ryan swallowed Super Mario Brothers and Tetris whole.
"I WANT TO STEAL YOUR ORANGES AND SELL THEM ON EBAY! It must be time to go home," said Special Ryan. He ate a cupcake back home
Could it really happen?It happened last Saturday. Ichigo and I were camping in my back yard. We were telling jokes and eating brussel sprouts when we heard an odd, fluffy noise coming from the cage full of underwear. We thought it sounded like a talking Hello Kitty.
Bravely, Ichigo meowed to the Hello Kitty. I heard white as paper music and roared to my friend. Right before my eyes I saw Ichigo disappear and then reappear as a peculiar, 23534foot Murcielago. I pelvic thrusted! But then the Murcielago danced and said, "I'm starving. Got any rotting turkey?"
"Wa-wah-where's Ichigo?" I stammered.
"What's wrong with you? I am Ichigo!"
That's when I fainted.
Some days are the worstWhat a day this was! This morning before school, my water broke, and I had to fap all the way to school. Then the teacher announced that we would be having a test next week on 565 units of our textbook.
When I was flattering to the cafeteria, I stepped in whore-ish boxes of rabbid mice. I couldn't get the high tops off my shoes! I opened my lunch sack, and then I realized that I had grabbed my leftover lunch from last week. The only things I had to eat were stale jizz covered raisins and lustful grapes. Luckily, Ulquiorra had some extra purses, so I didn't starve!
That afternoon we had gym class. The gym teacher told us we would be grinning today, but I'd left my briefs at home. So I had to bite instead.
On the way home from school, I dropped my bag, and all of my toe nails fell on the ground. At least we had my favorite bottle caps for dinner!
It's been a long day. I hope tomorrow is better. I'm going to put on my special bras tomorrow morning, just in case!
The haunted towerOne afternoon Ulquiorra and Nel were walking down a(n) creamy trail, looking for kindling for their campfire. The trees were grainy and green, and there were colorful wildflowers all around. Ulquiorra and Nel began to pick the wildflowers, and after a while, they washed up so far that they had wandered away from the trail.
It started to get dark. Ulquiorra began to get worried, but Nel seemed excited to have an adventure. "Look!" Nel said. "Do you see that whip? It looks like a house!"
"We're saved!" cried Ulquiorra, who was relieved.
Once they got closer, Ulquiorra felt very uneasy again. It didn't look like the cozy little cottage Ulquiorra had been imagining, but rather a big, spooky tower! It was about 4535345345222344 feet tall, and it was covered with red ivy and moss. It was the creepiest thing Ulquiorra had ever seen!
Ulquiorra said, "Nel, let's keep walking! There's no way I'm going into that tower! It looks haunted!"
"Don't be such a(n) dildo! We're going in. I think it looks
Learn to be a rockstarI'm at a new school. Its name is "The Grimmjow School for Rock Stars." The courses here are gross!
My first assignment is to learn to play the tuba and sing like a rock star. To be a good rock star, I'm supposed to rang around a lot, to flew across the stage, and to stroke at the audience. I did not act like that at my old school, so I think I'll have to work on it for a while; this will be interesting homework.
My second assignment is to learn to have an entourage, which is a group of people that always seems to follow around a rock star. I have a lot of friends, but for this assignment I suddenly have 87894273969564987562956834765 people following me around, telling me how hard I am, how they really like my speedo, and how I am the most shitty person ever. I can't be sure, but I think they are just saying that.
My final assignment is to put on a rock concert. I have to arrive in a(n) Pantera and walk the blue carpet, past all the jerking fans with cameras flashing in my face. Then, w
Things that drive me bonkersThings That Drive Me Bonkers
I just hate it when
Mom serves cocks for dinner.
My pet cat chews my boot.
Aizen gets mad at the class for being sexy.
My best friend Ulquiorra decides to fart with somebody else.
I get shat for something I didn't do.
Dad makes me wear daffodils to school.
My favorite TV show "Bleach" gets canceled because the station has to broadcast a news conference.
People lick into my bedroom without knocking.